should i be afraid of coronavirus?

Should I be afraid of Coronavirus? I don’t know, SHOULD I?! Should you? Should your grandma? Should ANYONE?!

The truth is, I don’t know. You probably don’t know. No offense, but your grandma DEF doesn’t know. The Internet doesn’t even really know. Because there is so much conflicting shit on the Internet, and it’s like, well what are they REALLY saying?

There are a lot of numbers. Numbers, numbers, numbers. To me numbers are essentially arbitrary and DEFINITELY worthless because I hate and reject what I can’t understand. So I rely on the number interpretations and resulting explanations provided by others. And I really can’t put my finger on what it is that they’re trying to say.

Like, SHOULD I worry? Should I panic? Should I stock up on at least 3 days of food and water? I don’t know, maybe I SHOULD do the stock up on 3 days of food and water thing, because that would be valuable in the event of a hurricane and we always have those. Also when Hurricane Sandy happened we had no power for A WEEK. Which is unheard of in modern times, at least unheard by my ears, and it was shocking and painful. So I guess I should stock up.

I’ve also been washing my hands like crazy and they are VERY DRY no matter how much lotion or cuticle oil I put on them. Speaking of cuticles it is VERY HARD for me not to bite my cuticles, but they’re a disgusting germ factory so I’m trying my hardest. Sometimes I catch myself zoning out and biting them though and then I have to gargle with hand sanitizer. It’s the only way.

The hardest self-policing activity to do is to NOT TOUCH YOUR FACE. It is so so so so hard to not touch my face. I find myself about to touch it constantly. What am I even touching it for?! What the hell. Why is this so hard?!

What hurts me most is that shit is getting cancelled. Like, they closed the Louvre. Some gal on the news this morning was like, “I came to Paris to see the Mona Lisa and they were like ‘well forget it because you CANNOT’” and that made me so sad. I hate when things get cancelled and people have to miss out on things. It hurts me deep in my soul.

Actually what I’m really saying is I hate when MY things get cancelled and it’s ME that has to miss out on things. THAT I will not stand for. It’s spring and then it will be summer and summer means TRIPS AND FUN SHIT and if the whole world has to go on lockdown no trips are happening and there is only so much fun shit you can do while quarantined.

So I’m saying it now, Coronavirus is cancelled. Forget it ever happened. Bye.

In a few months if I’m still alive and the Internet still exists I’m going to reflect upon this again. See you there. Maybe.

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