pantry moths.

What are pantry moths and who the hell do they think they are? The internet says they can be Indian meal moths, grain moths, flour moths, raisin moths, seed moths, tobacco moths, or almond moths. At least according to the chart below I came across when I Googled “types of pantry moths.” All I know is that they’re stupid dicks and I hate them.

It’s rare for me to talk shit on an animal and even more rare for me to want them dead, but I’ve had enough of these idiots. Why am I writing about this? I don’t know. Because it grosses me out and I hate it and I need to get it out there into the world. Maybe you have pantry moths too. I don’t know your life.

Pantry moths come inside your house as eggs or larvae INSIDE YOUR FOOD. I’m sorry to say it but they’re in there. We have a feeling these moved in with some birdseed we brought home when we first got our bird Elvis.

That was last spring.

I’ve been putting up with the moths since then because they kind of come and go. I don’t always notice them and there aren’t that many. Pet birds can also die from a number of normal household items in their environment so I was scared to even try any traps or pesticides out of fear that my avian children would drop dead.

Their lungs are delicate!

The pantry moths would fly around sometimes at night while we were watching TV and it was gross and weird and annoying and they are also hard to catch and smash. Like they fly around in an erratic pattern that makes no sense and they’re not even that fast but somehow they manage to evade your determined moth slap 80% of the time. I don’t believe science can explain this.

We also would sometimes see small larvae dangling and those just got smashed and trashed. Not even a chance at life for them. They actually really upset me, because at first I thought they were inchworms and I LOVE inchworms. They make me think of the summer and how they used to delicately dangle over our above ground pool when I was a kid. We would gently put them on our fingers and watch them do their little inching crawl, WHICH IS ADORABLE YOU GUYS.

But these were pantry moth larvae, not adorable inchworms.

AND NOW THEY’RE DEAD SO BYE.

The final straw came a few weeks ago when I wore I sweater I had only worn once and I noticed a hole in the shoulder. I thought that was strange but as the night went by I noticed more holes in the sweater and they were all about the same size and I was like WTF I wore this ONE TIME.

And finally I had a realization: IT WAS THE MOTHS. THE MOTHS HAD MESSED WITH MY CHERISHED WARDROBE IN MY SACRED CLOSET-ROOM AND THEY NEEDED TO BE ELIMINATED IMMEDIATELY.

Google actually said that moths that eat clothes and pantry moths are different so like I guess we have both in residence. Ugh.

But I think the traps I got are supposed to work for both. They have PHEROMONES that attract the male moths only but they fly into them and get stuck on them because they’re sticky and then they die. The females eventually die because they don’t live very long but without any males THEY CAN’T MAKE ANY MORE PANTRY MOTHS. And that’s what we want.

The traps advertise their “double potency and ALLURE” and that was making me giggle because that seems intense but as soon as I opened the sealed packages to set them up the moths CAME FLYING! They usually don’t come out in the morning and there were like 3 that literally came out of the woodwork and flapped around as if something had excited them.

It was the ALLURING PHEROMONES.

I don’t know if it was the males looking for females or the females LOOKING TO FIGHT rival females but no one got stuck in the trap…YET.

The traps were placed on the kitchen counter, in the pantry, and in my beloved closet-room. By this afternoon there was one dead moth in the pantry trap and I look forward to finding more as the days go by.

Hopefully one day the pantry moths will be eradicated. I’ll keep you posted.