so sweaty.

It’s summer and it’s time to talk about this and I’m so sweaty. “This” being how sweaty I am all the time. Like constantly.

I know it’s gross and not appropriate to discuss but I’m so sweaty and I’m really struggling here and it seems like no one else is dealing with this at the same level so this is a cry for help/commiseration.

It’s not that I’m just hot (in temperature) (and in hotness) (I’m a hottie), I’m hot AND full on sweating. It is literally dripping down my face and getting into my eyes and stinging and burning.

In the 90s/early 2000s when I had very thin eyebrows the sweat getting in my eyes was even WORSE and I was forced to run to the bathroom in stinging pain during cheerleading practice.

I’m glad my eyebrows grew back and now offer me slightly more protection but the protection is still LIMITED. My eyes still BURN.

Even my thick ass eyebrows cannot protect me from how much I sweat.

When I arrive at a fitness class I am already sweating from the frenzied effort of merely getting there. It is already pouring down my face as I scamper up the stairs and hurl myself through the door.

As I get set up in my spot the sweat continues to pour. I have to dry myself off with a towel BEFORE CLASS EVEN STARTS.

The worst part of this is that NO ONE ELSE IS VISIBLY SWEATING. I am the only one every time. I’ve checked! At least during this before class time, I’m truly the only one sweating. Once class begins like 10 or so minutes into it I can see other people sweating and I feel a little better.

But then I realize they are just normal sweating and I have a LITERAL PUDDLE on the floor under me and am constantly wiping my face with my towel.

The towel thing has been difficult for the past year, too. My gym stopped providing “dry your face during class” small towels, I think because of covid. Which makes sense! Totally cool with it. But this means that in my morning rush to get out the door I have to remember to grab one of my hand towels from home to bring with me.

And I don’t always remember.

And class is next to impossible for me without a towel so then I have to use a PAPER TOWEL and it just doesn’t feel right.


I’ve spoken about my face at length but I sweat a lot everywhere. If I wear shorts, my shins get SOAKED and SLIPPERY and it’s difficult to get a grip on them if I need to stretch or something.

Perhaps the most embarrassing part of sweating a lot is when the BACK of my legs/my butt sweat when I’m sitting down and I’ll either leave a puddle of sweat on the seat I was in or completely soak my pants/skirt/whatever and it will have a big wet spot in the back of it and like Jo at the fancy party in Little Women (are you a Winona Jo or a Saoirse Jo? I’m still deciding…), I have to walk around with my butt toward the wall until it dries.

What a nightmare.

I’ve always gotten so sweaty and I guess there’s really no way around it. I like to say, “It’s because my body is highly eifficient!” But that’s probably just a scientific fact I made up. Who knows. Of course one can use deodorant/antiperspirant and I DO, and not even the “natural” kind because that stuff is “garbage,” but that’s only on one part of your body. And it’s more about the SHEER VOLUME of sweat all over all the time, making everything wet and uncomfortable and slippery and embarrassing.


Okay so, does this happen to anyone else? Please say it does. I need some validation on this one thx.

jump rope is hard.

I’m a reasonably fit adult that enjoys working out but I can’t jump rope because jump rope is hard. It is completely impossible for me to do. Which is really frustrating for me! Because it’s good exercise and it definitely seems fun for those that have it figured out.

But jump rope is hard and I can’t do it.

As a kid I loved watching Sesame Street, like most kids. But the main reason I loved Sesame Street was because it had the little live video interludes where it showed kids in cities. City kids! I had a thing for city kids. Even at a young age I was bored as hell in my rural town and I loved everything city related. So if I saw kids in a place with concrete and a lot of buildings and not as many trees as the places I saw every day, I was like OMG CITY KIDS.

One of the things the “city kids” (based on my definition as a 5 year old), did in these interludes was jump rope. And they were so good at it! And they did it as a whole group! With some kids manning the rope and some kids jumping in and my mind was blown. I couldn’t wait to go to real school and have recess and learn to jump rope.

I knew I was gonna kill it.

Obviously I was wrong because I can’t jump rope at all to this day. Because jump rope is hard.

On the playground at recess and during gym class we were given these weird plastic jump ropes that made a loud ass sound when they hit the ground and that made me really nervous. I also realized that jumping up and then throwing a rope under myself at foot level and then jumping up again was a recipe for tripping myself and a guaranteed way to face plant.

I did not want to face plant. That’s the moneymaker, baby.

So I kind of gave up on jump rope after that. I watched others and sometimes flopped around with the rope, especially if it was gym class and they forced me to for a grade. But I no longer felt the excitement I felt while watching the city kids on Sesame Street. The love was gone.

A little later in childhood they came out with SkipIt, which was different than a jump rope but utilized the same skills. Needless to say I was not able to master the SkipIt or even get any reps around. It counted the reps I think? Bossy little thing.

We didn’t have it at our house because I thought it was trash but sometimes I would see a dormant SkipIt in the grass or the garage at a friend’s house and silently project into the universe, “My friend BETTER NOT make me use that SkipIt today because I will be PISSED.”

I think they got the message. My friends knew I was no athlete and I just wanted to play dress up and create elaborate historical narratives. I mean come on.

Later in high school when I WAS an actual athlete, I still could not jump rope. During this time time I was practicing cheerleading 6 days a week and had a competition or game on the 7th day. It was a lot. My body was very strong and in constant motion. I also didn’t drink so my fuel was relatively pure if you overlook my constant intake of bagels, spaghetti-o’s, and Oreos.

I still could not jump rope. And if they made us at cheerleading practice as part of conditioning I was PISSED.

Stuff I can’t do really pisses me off.

Jump rope didn’t really cross my mind again until a couple of years ago when it came up at the gym one day during a cardio song. They were like “Grab your jump ropes! Yay!” And I was like, “Not yay but okay.”

I struggled through this part of the class while mostly everyone else casually and expertly and happily jumped rope. This was fun and nostalgic for them! They remembered the happy times on the playground!

Those times did not come to my mind. I just struggled and got more pissed and gave up and just jumped up and down while holding the rope and hoped no one would notice.

The jump rope came up again at the gym this morning and I think I handled it a little better. I just did my own personal jump rope move that involves hopping over one foot at a time and tried to focus on not tripping and falling on my face and dying.

Because that DOES happen.

It’s possible I could learn how to do it, I guess. I do think people can learn new things as they get older. I like to think there’s not a cap on that. Even physical things! But within reason, like I’m not going to be able to teach my peers to do backflips because that time has passed. But jump rope seems like a reasonable and possible thing to learn if I tried hard enough, had a good teacher, and put in the reps/took the time to do it.

Maybe I’ll try.


At some point in the history of time I knew a guy that told me he went to a pier to jump rope on his breaks from working at a bar in Manhattan. This really charmed me for some reason. I guess I really admired his skill since I don’t have that skill.

Of course I never SAW him jump rope, I just assumed he had to be good at it if he was enjoying it on a pier in his free time.

As with everything, I created a story of him in my mind and defined him solely by my perception of him and I need to stop doing that and I’m sorry. But I pictured a pier in the Hudson River in front of the Manhattan skyline and the sun was setting and it was summer, and there he was, a city kid grinning and jumping rope in the golden light.

PS I’m unclear on the grammar/verb/sentence structure of this activity and was unsure if it was “jump rope” or “jumping rope” or whatever and I’m sorry.

you should work out.

You live and you learn or whatever and one of the biggest things I’ve learned in the last couple of years is that you should work out. By “you” I mean “me,” I’m just reminding myself. But I’d like to share why working out is so necessary to me and maybe that will inspire you too.

I’ve talked about working out before, I know. It’s just really burrowing a permanent place in my life and heart and I’d like to express that. I JUST LOVE IT OKAY. I’m not a doctor or a trainer or a therapist or even a front desk person at a gym so I’m really not authorized to dispense this advice but I’m going to anyway you’re welcome.

Working out helps me…FEEL NORMAL. For so long I felt awful – depressed, anxious, tired, fully nihilistic. I’m still fully nihilistic but the depression, anxiety, and tiredness are partly semi-cured by working out. I firmly believe in a “use it or lose it” mentality when it comes to working out. Once you stop using it, you lose it. But guess what? ONCE YOU START USING IT AGAIN IT’S NO LONGER LOST.

BOOM, BITCH. You can continue that cycle for all of your years on earth and then in the blackness that becomes you when you die. It’s a beautiful thing.

I used to be so pissed at people that worked out and liked it, so I get it. Those people suck. I AM that person and I think I suck. Like shut up. But you really have more options to hop on this rainbow sparkling iridescent endorphin train than you think!

By “work out” I mean “do any kind of physical activity that is reasonably attainable per your body, time budget, and level of athleticism.” By my definition, “working out” could mean like ANYTHING. Walking your dog, wandering around the park looking at birds, riding your bike to work, blablabla and so on and so on. Did you bake and get sweaty because baking requires old school grandma muscles you’ve never used? That’s working out, man! There are a lot of options and all of the options are good and okay!

UNLESS the option you’re trying out doesn’t feel great. This shit needs to FEEL GREAT. If it’s too hard and you’re dying, that’s not great. If it’s too easy and you’re not finding a pleasantly distracted place of peace and even ELATION, that’s not great. IT’S GOTTA BE GREAT SO FIND THE THING YOU THINK IS GREAT FOR YOU.

It might take some trial and error, but the best things do. That’s how you find a romantic partner, that’s how you find a therapist, a job, etc etc. Kiss the frogs and move along, you can do it.

I’ve arrived at a place where I can accept that cardio is trash. CARDIO IS STRAIGHT GARBAGE. I can only do cardio if it’s hidden inside a fun dance, there is a trampoline involved, or I’m running while listening to the soothing, hypnotic, distracting sounds of Nike Run Club. I WILL NOT, EVER AGAIN, run on the treadmill or elliptical or ride a stationary bike simply to get a certain amount of time in and burn a certain amount of calories.


You can’t let working out be to lose weight or even to get in shape. I mean I guess you can if you want, but for most folks it’s going to feel joyless that way. Just bring some joy in, do a fun thing. Little kids run around in circles. Even little kids like me, who hated playing sports and would rather read books, spent some time running in circles every day. Just because.


I was inspired to go on this ridiculous work out tangent because I returned to my most favorite trampoline class at JaneDO early this morning, after a 3 month hiatus. Hopefully I only have to realize this one time for the rest of my life but THREE MONTHS OFF THE TRAMPOLINE IS TOO MANY MONTHS OFF THE TRAMPOLINE, YOU GUYS.

And this morning as I walked into class I was like “I’m le tired” but as soon as the music started up and we started stretching I was like “OH HELL YEAH IT IS ON, BABY,” and I jumped (ha) right back into it. Like every song was the best song I ever heard and I’m jumping up and down and looking at the instructor begging him with my mind to give us a cool move to do as the beat drops. Because doing a cool move as the beat drops, when it feels like you are inside the beat, THAT IS LIVING, PEOPLE.

And if you don’t want to live your life along with the beat dropping I don’t know what to tell you. The beat is in your mind. You make the beat. You should work out.

nike run club app.

Friends, I’d like to use this time to tell you about the Nike Run Club app. A friend told ME about it so as your friend I am now going to tell YOU.

The Nike Run Club app is the single reason I have run more than one half assed time in the last two weeks. I HAVE RUN 8 TIMES IN THE PAST TWO WEEKS AND GOTTEN BETTER EVERY TIME.

I don’t know who I even am anymore but I don’t think I care.

my history of running.

Let me be clear, I have NEVER EVER been a runner. I always HATED running at my adult height, weight, size, etc.

As like a 7-10 year old I was super into running but then it was ONLY sprinting because we had this really fun “junior olympics” in our township every fall and I placed in at least the top 3 and often won in that 3 or 4 year period. AND I LIKE NOTHING BETTER THAN WINNING. Add standing on a podium in front of all the kids I went to school with and my dad (who made me do sports and I hated sports but I felt great when I did well at sport and he was proud, he was always proud anyway because he is a nice dad) and I was RIDING HIGH.

Like I got a PRIZE in the form of a medal AND I got to be the center of attention and I was pumped to know what running could do for ME in the long…run.

The answer is: nothing at all. I had my obligatory growth spurt at like 11/12 and then I was the full sized adult woman I am now and also had the same boobs. And it got so much harder to run. Like so, SO MUCH harder. At the same time I was also trying to master using my newly enormous-feeling, deadweight body to do back flips and jumps and cheerleading shit so I was like ok it’s gonna have to be one thing at a time because I’m not the athlete my dad tried to make me be. Just not in the cards.

Most of my peers, as in the other gals that were good at running when we were young, continued to be good at running. And the spring of freshman year of high school, I joined them on the track to try to get my ass in gear.

And it did not work. As I said, not in the cards. I felt so slow and sluggish. I got really bad shin splints. I thought it was insane and ridiculous and unnecessary to run in the rain and up hills and through corn fields where you could sprain an ankle at any second. It was just. Not. Worth it.

So I gave up because I wasn’t good at it. Which I would like to say is actually NOT some kind of terrible character flaw and is in fact HUMAN NATURE. Like if you you don’t NEED to do something to live and thrive and you’re not good at it, why would you KEEP DOING IT? That makes no sense. Just find something else. And spare me the “work hard and you’ll get good at it” thing. That whole idea can suck it.

Since that misguided flirtation with track and field freshman year of high school, and the forced running I had to do in gym class and cheerleading practice that I complained the whole way through, during my whole adult life I have not been running. I love working out! But I never wanted to run. Until like 2 weeks ago.

the running begins.

I have really been struggling with the weight I’ve gained while stuck inside, and my usual workouts were not helping. Listen, I know that weight loss is like 20% exercise and 80% diet. I think for me it’s actually 5% exercise and 95% diet. Either way I SUCK at the diet part because like WHY BOTHER, but the workouts seemed to help more in the past and I felt I had plateaued and they weren’t working at all. So on Thanksgiving after a lovely meal and some adult candy I was like, “When I digest this food and sober up, so it will probably be tomorrow, but I’ma HIT THE TRACK.”

And then I did. I set off with a goal of working up to a 7min mile. The first timed mile I ran was 8.21, not bad, I thought. I don’t know if that’s good or bad. I don’t know anything about running and I don’t have a coach. I guess i’ll Google it. The “7min mile” was some bullshit they made us do at cheerleading practice in high school and I wanted to die and I don’t think I ever actually did it in 7mins because I was a little asshole and didn’t do what people told me to do if I found it ridiculous and arbitrary and unnecessary.

And it WAS ridiculous and arbitrary and unnecessary at the time, I stand by that. A 7min mile was not a valuable endurance benchmark for the type of sport and athleticism I was training for. So yes, I already said it BUT I STAND BY THAT.

But as an adult in the year 2020, I’ve gained a ton of weight and I don’t really have anything else to do so I was like why not.

nike run club app enters my life.

After that first run I asked around if anyone had running tips they could share and one friend was like “Nike Run Club app!” So I did my second run with that.


I still don’t love running and I think it’s pretty ridiculous as a sport. And also painful. Consistently painful. I even already injured myself and diagnosed myself with Cuboid syndrome, because I’m a doctor.

But the coach dude on the app, “Coach Bennett,” just talks you through it and says all the right things and basically brainwashes you into thinking everything will be okay. And I’m totally fine with being brainwashed. If it’s for my own good and it helps me get through something and it tricks me into thinking something terrible is fun, I AM FULLY ON BOARD.

It’s possible I use the word “brainwash” loosely and haphazardly, because I also referred to my successful experiences with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy as brainwashing. But like either way, it’s positive brainwashing. And even better, a robot is doing it.

I guess “Coach Bennett” isn’t an actual robot but the means in which his message is delivered is 100% via a robot from the future. Because the future is now. The robot is my phone. “Coach Bennett” isn’t here. He doesn’t know who I am. He’s shouting into the void in a recording studio, but his message reaches me just the same.

And the message is, “running is okay.” Like, IT IS OKAY. I can make it through. I don’t even need to go fast. I can go at my own pace, I can zone out and listen to his voice, I can zone out completely and not listen to anything. And therein lies the beauty: running offers freedom from needing to think about anything.


It’s also possible to link up your Spotify account and play your own playlists while you run. EVEN BETTER, they have custom playlists that they have made for their “Guided Runs” and from those playlists I have found new music I like for the first time in A WHILE. Listening to music I like while I’m running really helps me get it done.

And now I look forward to it. Yes I said that, I look forward to running. The Nike Run Club app has made me look forward to running. I wake up really early and I read the NYTimes morning daily brief email and wait for the sun to rise so it’s safe to walk to Lincoln Park and I get a medium hot black coffee with a coconut flavor shot and 1 mocha flavor swirl from the Dunkin Donuts on West Side Ave and I walk into the park and I look for the red tailed hawks and I say hi to the red tailed hawks and I finish my coffee and I check to see if the pond is frozen on that particular morning and wonder if I’ll see the yellow-crowned night heron they always advertise but I never see him and then I HIT THE TRACK and I press start on the Nike Run Club app and then it’s game on.

The other day “Coach Bennett” was talking about science biology stuff that goes along with running and I got so pumped up and was running along to the beat of my Spotify and shouting out “MITOCHONDRIAAAAA!” at the top of my lungs and it was the best day of my life.

This all happens before 9am and I like that even more. I take pride in the fact that I have forced myself into being a morning person. And I’ve never stopped feeling like I stole some of the day back. From who, I don’t know, “The Man,” I guess. But those 4 hours in the morning before 10am are ALL MINE and I’m never giving them back and now running helps me keep a firm grip on them.

And the Nike Run Club app helps me run.

Try it out, don’t be scared. You can find it in the App Store. It’s an app, you guys.

Let me know what you think!

outdoor workouts.

When I was in college I worked as a cheerleading instructor at summer cheerleading camps. Every year during our training “Work Week” one of our lectures (like a LEARNING lecture) would always involve the presenter saying “And you’re going to want to take some of your regular workouts outside.” As in we should 1 – do regular workouts and 2 – they should be outdoor workouts. To help us get ready to work outside all summer.

I think they probably noticed this but I was NOT doing ANY kind of REGULAR workout. I was doing the cheerleading practice I had a few times a week and also jumping around at this instructor job but that was it. I wasn’t into working out. I did not want to work out at all. Definitely not outside. But definitely not at all.

Hi I’m 19 years old and def don’t work out.

So this (learning) lecture always made me laugh, is what I’m saying. In my mind I was like they’re trying to indoctrinate me into living a lifestyle of exercise addiction! These are unfair working conditions! The patriarchy!

I’ve always been prone to the dramatic. This is not what they were doing. Although the patriarchy does do this. So beware!

But these days I work out regularly and was beyond excited when places I like and new places I wanted to try started hosting outdoor workouts.

It’s a workout! In the outdoors!

The workouts I’ve gone to have been socially distanced and people wear masks. Most people don’t wear a mask the whole time, which seems okay because we’re socially distant but I’m not a doctor. I wear mine for as long as I can stand it but sometimes during cardio or if it’s scorching hot out I have to take it off for a breather.

I’d like to think I have perfect post COVID social decorum but I’m only human after all.

barre burn.

The first outdoor workout I attended was a barre burn class held by a gal Morgan that teaches at JC Barre. I had never gone to a class there but I met Morgan while drinking frozen rum drinks on Newark Ave Bourbon Street and her class sounded right up my alley.

And it is. It’s in Enos Jones Park and there is lots of shade so that’s great for the stifling hot days. The class is a mix of circuit cardio type stuff and tradish barre hold and shake type shit but obvi we don’t have a barre so there’s an added challenge. I recommend this class to all and brunch at White Star after is always a good plan.

PS you can see people skateboarding while you work out and sometimes they do cool shit and that’s obviously my favorite thing.

do it all.

JaneDO, my first workout love, who I credit with getting me back into moving around and not being out of breath after walking up stairs, also has outdoor class!

They started them in Hoboken first and I was like <sideways judgemental stare> but now they have them in JC too and I am glad. Also in Montclair! One day if I have a car I’ll go to Montclair.

The JaneDO JC outdoor workouts are at Roberto Clemente Field which is a baseball field and those little league kids have some nice grass to play on. Lucky.

But we also get to work out on the grass! They run their “Do It All” class which is, and I quote, “Pretty much whatever the instructor feels like doing.” And it’s great! Different every time, which is important for the body and the brain. I think.

It’s just really nice to be outside and be around other people. Working out at home makes me lazy and distracted and I feel like I don’t work out as hard or get as much out of it, physically AND mentally.

Working out is a big part of my day every day because it helps me stay calm and it makes me feel like I have my shit together. These are two very important elements that are necessary for me to get through the day. Working out at home doesn’t calm or inspire me the same way that I am calmed and inspired working out in person among others.

Outdoor workouts have that! ALL OF THAT!

Come join workouts with JaneDO on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 7am, weather permitting. Or with Morgan on Saturdays at 11am, weather also permitting. Or don’t, I’m not the boss of you.

i got this acupuncture thing.

In the spirit of ordering any and all of the random shit on the internet, I got this acupuncture thing.

It’s possible that you know that I struggle with terrible lower back pain, just like <some really large number>% of adults over 20 years old. Back pain is just a thing we all battle and I guess I have to accept it. But I’m constantly searching for something to help it suck less, so I got this acupuncture thing.

One time during Real Life, I went and got real acupuncture. My insurance covered it and I felt rich with privilege and resources so I made an appointment. The man performing it, the wielder of the needles, was very kind and patient. The treatment itself was terrifying and I audibly screamed and probably freaked him out. I never went back.

Close up of the needles on the acupuncture thing, not scary!

The needle somehow hit one of my nerves in my back and sent a zap all the way down to a needle that was in my calf. It was one of the weirdest physical things I have ever felt. I was not okay. “Zap” isn’t a scientific word and yes this isn’t scientifically proven but I was still scared by it. Scientifically scared by it. IT TRIGGERED A FIGHT OR FLIGHT RESPONSE. So I got this acupuncture thing.

I guess maybe I like the pillow thing best.

The acupuncture thing is pink and I can lay on it 10-15 minutes per day. I’ve started laying on it and trolling Instagram between my 2 workouts in the morning. I can also put my head on the little pillow part and it’s supposed to help with headaches. This is helpful because I have an almost constant pounding headache.

Everything is fine.

I kind of almost don’t have a headache here.

They (the acupuncture thing overlords) recommend putting the little pillow part under your bare feet while seated, “a great way to start the day!” Okay.

You can put the full pad on your chair to target your butt and legs. There’s really nothing you can’t do!

So far I don’t feel like it’s doing much but I think it may have to be part of a bigger stretching and relaxation routine. And once that stuff is in place the acupuncture thing will complement the rest. I do notice a difference in my headaches while I’m resting my head on the little pillow…they go away! But that is only for 10-15 minutes a day and then the squeezing, pounding daily routine returns. I’d really like that number to go up.

Another time I kind of almost didn’t have a headache.


janedo may challenge.

Here we go, it’s the JaneDO May Challenge! The JaneDO May Challenge actually started on May 1 so we’re 7 days in. We are a week in. I really put off writing about this and instead sat on my couch and watched The Sopranos. I couldn’t muster the mental strength to put pen to paper, or whatever.


But I AM going strong! From a physical perspective yes, very strong. The challenge is to do 21 classes with JaneDO in 31 days. You have the whole month of May to do it! I’m actually going to try to do a class every day of the 31 days because there is LITERALLY NOTHING ELSE TO DO. But first I need to get to 21. Let’s focus on that.

The JaneDO May Challenge simply consists of marking off each day you attend a class on a cute little bingo board. To participate in the challenge you can obtain a bingo board at any JaneDO location.


They’re actually doing a virtual bingo board this year and I am PUMPED. I usually lose my board at least once and I always forget to bring it to class like…every day. So the virtual board is really working out better for me overall. Maybe it should always be virtual?! Save the trees?!

Virtual board, FOREVAAAA.

To do a livestream class with JaneDO and start checking shit off on your card, check this out: JaneDO Livestream

The JaneDO May Challenge has been going on for a few years. The first time I participated was in May 2016. As you may be aware, 2016 was a big year for me as far as getting healthy and getting my shit together. So I really enjoyed this challenge as a final “do the right thing” boost before the summer came and it was time to party.

The past few years the prize for completing the challenge has been a branded tank top. I love a branded tank top! I ESPECIALLY love a branded tank top with a date on it that references the current date of now. So 5 or 10 or 37 years from now one can look at that tank top and be like, “Yeah!” Kinda like how I look at my t-shirt from cheering at the Insight Bowl in 2005 which as of today was 52 years ago.

Last year it may have been something that wasn’t a branded tank top but I’m having trouble remembering. I did fail at one challenge recently in January because I got sick and maybe I failed last year in May as well. You can’t win them all, you guys. As much as I would like to be an unstoppable workout machine it doesn’t seem like that’s in the cards. In the Bingo cards, specifically.

That’s all I got. Are you doing any fun fitness challenges? Any fun other challenges? Are you just taking naps all day and accomplishing nothing? I read that’s okay too.

i’m terrified of spraining my ankle.

I’m terrified of spraining my ankle. Unlike most of my fears, I don’t think this is an irrational fear. I also have considered it very seriously and weighed it against my mental chart of “is this or is this not an irrational fear,” AND IT ISN’T. ACCORDING TO BRAIN SCIENCE. OKAY?

Just looking for some commiseration here, folks.

My ankles, safe in the embrace of velvet chucks.

Every day at JaneDO when we do something that involves jumping around, I’m terrified of spraining my ankle. It seems like I could land totally wrong at any moment and I’m constantly in danger.

I talk to myself in my head, “Don’t fall don’t fall don’t fall,” “Stay focused!” “OMG do NOT slam your foot down like that your ankle is going to BREAK!” “I don’t know how anyone can do this and not sprain their ankle.” “Screw it I’m going to modify.”

Since I’m terrified of spraining my ankle, there are things I avoid. One of those things is step class. Which at first glance looks super fun! And it is for many. But it TERRIFIES ME. Because I’m terrified of spraining my ankle.

This big, hulking, just tall enough to trip you piece of exercise equipment threatened to injure me every time I went so I gave it up for now. Also it was way too much talking in my head to keep from tripping. I want my mind to be blank while exercising. That’s 90% of why I even go, you guys.

Sometimes at JaneDO they throw some one leg off the trampoline stuff in trampoline class and still I’m terrified of spraining my ankle. I just do the same thing but don’t even try to touch the floor. Or place any weight on a single foot as it plunges toward the floor. It would only end in heartache.

I also really, REALLY hate cardio but that’s another story. There is cardio that is safe for my ankles. I think.

The terror comes from the one time in 2006 that I DID sprain my ankle and IT STILL DOES NOT WORK PROPERLY. “Well, did you skip out on physical therapy? You obviously did,” you might say. And I’d be like, “No way bitch, I physical therapied the HECK out of this thing!” Because I did. And it’s still not fully operational. 14 years later I can’t balance on my left leg properly and it pisses me the hell off.

If I sprain my ankle NOW, I won’t be able to do shit for SO LONG. And that really frightens me. Like I wouldnt be able to go to the gym AT ALL for at least a week. Then maybe barre or toning classes would be okay but I’d have to go slow. Then weeks and weeks later I could go less slow. By the time I would be able to do real cardio again I would be SO OUT OF BREATH AND UNHAPPY.

This is my worst nightmare.

I won’t even GET INTO the miserable life I would be living if I had to wear an aircast and use crutches on the PATH train or walking down the street. I would be overcome with rage. This is not an option.

So I’m terrified of spraining my ankle. Or really getting any kind of injury but this one seems the most likely to happen every single day.

Are you scared? It’s okay, you can tell me. How do you deal with the fear? How do you not sprain your ankle? Is talking to yourself in your head the only way to keep it from happening? I really don’t know. I’m asking you.

brave body project class.

My pal Al has been telling me about the Brave Body Project classes she takes on NEOU, so yesterday morning I was excited to check out a Brave Body Project class in person in NYC with her!

Brave Body Project is two gals that I believe are pals and they started the company to bring fitness and empowerment and overall badassery to other gals that are into that sort of thing. WHICH IS ME.

girl boss painting at luminary nyc
Not always a fan of girl boss” as like a “concept” but I guess you can say its heart is in the right place. And I like these colors.

Yesterday we attended their class at the Luminary space in Nomad. Like kinda by the milkbar flagship store. Just FYI.

I have some outrage to direct at Luminary, which is – how the heck are you supposed to get in the place when none of the buzzers indicate which floor the company is on?! Also when both phone numbers listed in the class confirmation email are useless because no one answers them. I’m just wondering.

couch and palm wallpaper at luminary nyc
V cozy, once I figured out how to get in.

What I’m saying is, this entrance process could be improved. Also it felt worse and more terrible and dramatic to me because I arrived at 7:44am for a 7:45am class and I was stressed AF. But I still feel my cries for help should have been addressed. But then a nice man working in the foyer of the building finally took mercy on me and let me in. He also directed me to Luminary’s floor. Again this information was not conveyed to me at any point until this man revealed it.

cute seating and lighting
Cute little corner.

Maybe it’s like a secret club?

On to the Brave Body Project class! I missed any informational preamble, which upset me, but I got there halfway through the warmup and I was ready to go.

fitness studio where brave body project class was held
The studio.

The format of the Brave Body Project class is 10 songs of strength and cardio. So I would def recommend wearing sneakers. Because the cardio. They almost had me faked out because everyone had 2lb weights and I was like oooo maybe this will be more barre-ish and no cardio?! But ugh there was still cardio.

mirror selfie in "hello gorgeous" mirror after brave body project class
The mirror says “hello gorgeousbut that was hard to capture.

It was fine.

I guess.

The format was enjoyable, I liked the 10 songs of 10 different things. If I had been there and known about the 10 songs in the beginning I would have been comforted by counting down what song we were on in my head as we went through.

Since I MISSED the beginning I was still comforted by the knowledge that it was only going to be 45mins. I could do it.

The instructors, Amber and Lindsay, taught the Brave Body Project class together and worked off of each other and I really liked that. I’m not sure that’s always the format they use when they’re teaching in person, but I do know that’s more common on NEOU. Also, the class reminded me of cheerleading camp in a way! I was transported back to my days of attending camp and teaching camp. It’s fun to teach as a teacher team and it’s fun to learn from a teacher team I think. I liked it. I already said I liked it but I’ll say it again. I liked it!

"wellness wing" in gold lettering
It’s wellness, bitch.

The Brave Body Project gals were also wearing workout shorts! Personally I love workout shorts and shorts in generally and I feel as though they are unfairly ignored and/or persecuted and I was glad to see some leaders in the fitness field go down the workout shorts path.

Guess who googled “cute workout shorts” after this workout? MY FRIEND AL AND ME THAT’S WHO.

After the class we were permitted to use the amenities at Luminary and they were nice! I liked the color scheme of everything, whites and pops of gold. It felt like a luxurious little place to get ready.

Luminary had a bunch of products to use, too – face, body, hair, tampons! The full set. So we took advantage of that.

beauty products

Unfortunately the water in the showers was cold. I mean maybe they’re still working on their fitness/gym/locker room game and it’s a work in progress. And that’s why the missing door/entry information and freezing shower happened. I’d give them another chance, it’s fine.

Very cold but very pretty and maybe that’s the trade off 🤷🏻‍♀️

Additionally they had an in-house salon where a hair stylist was doing blowouts! It cost money, they weren’t just giving blowouts out for free, but I thought it was super cool they made fitness and blowouts available on-site in a co-working space.

selfie in mirror after brave body project class
Utilizing salon.

I hope to attend more Brave Body Project classes in person! And I’m also going to check them out on NEOU. NEOU is the best workout at home option. I promise I don’t work for them. But it is. It’s like $15 a month and you get all kinds of shit. Do it. Run, don’t walk.

Have you ever gone to a Brave Body Project class? What did you think? Would you go again? Are you a member of a co working space like Luminary? I don’t know…just trying to make conversation.

i like my theragun.

Guys, I just want to say, I like my Theragun. It’s yet another friendly little robot that does my bidding and makes my life better.

I didn’t know what it was or pay much attention to it until one of my good friends started working for them. But then it took me at least a year to actually pay attention to it. And I like my Theragun.

It’s important to me that I work out 5 or 6 times a week. That doesn’t always happen, but when it DOES happen my whole body usually hurts. Nothing really ever makes my body stop hurting though, and actually if I STOP working out it starts to hurt EVEN WORSE. I have found myself trapped in a use it or lose it, just keep swimming so I don’t sink to the murky depths situation.

You may or may not be interested to know that my body has hurt every day since I was at least 14 years old. I partly blame myself because I chose to participate in an activity that often called for me to do jumps and backflips on cement surfaces. And it was expected and encouraged, by the adults around me, to do jumps and backflips on cement surfaces.

The folly of youth is thinking that you will never get hurt. The punishment for that folly is having an aching body every day for the last…omg for the last 21 years. WTF is TIME?! It is KILLING ME TODAY.

At the gym earlier, for whatever reason I was thinking about high school, maybe because I thought about the backflips on the cement, and I was like if I went back there now what would the kids think of me? And I was like lol they would look at me like how I looked at people that were teenagers in like, 1990 when I was a teenager in 2000. And then I realized that NO, they would look at me like I would have looked at someone that was a teenager in NINETEEN-EIGHTY (1980) because I am TWENTY YEARS OLDER THAN THEM.

I mean WTF.

And I am aware that most people my age have bodies that hurt. There are many memes, about being over 25 and the body hurting. And the waking up and the being sore. And the back aching. Etc, etc. Please just know and acknowledge that my body has been hurting like this for over 20 years. And think about what that’s like.

But yes I like my Theragun. Frankly it’s the only thing that has worked on certain spots of my body. I use the foam roller, I use a lacrosse ball, I’m always rolling around all over my living room trying to massage myself. My friend once referred to using these items as the “poor man’s (Shan’s) massage” and I think she was right on target. Something that never really gets properly broken up when it’s tense is like…my side butt cheek? I’m sure it has an anatomic name I’m not aware of. Where is TAM when I need her?

My side butt cheek is always very tense because I guess it’s in charge of a lot. Leg stuff, back stuff, and also…butt stuff. As far as the way my body is moving and going through the day. Not like ACTUAL butt stuff. But it’s kind of in a weird spot where it’s hard to massage and kind of a production to get to with the foam roller and maybe too intense to get to with the lacrosse ball.

So it never gets massaged properly and the muscles all stay tight and then I think they squeeze on my nerves, I’m not 100% sure, I don’t know their life. But according to Google it’s prob a sciatic nerve situation and I’m really just trying to sort it out.

The Theragun really helps with loosening up the side butt. I just turn it on and press it really hard into the side butt. Sometimes I get bruises from how hard I press but I really just need the relief it provides. Once I take the pressure off I feel immediately lighter and looser! But this only lasts for about 3 hours before I have to do it again or just deal with the pain.

Lately I have been waking up earlier to drink coffee at home before I go to the gym (life changing!) and while I drink my coffee I also use the Theragun. The issue with this is that it’s loud and it…vibrates, so I feel like my downstairs neighbor might be getting some weird ideas about what is happening above her head at 6:11am. I guess she should prob just trust the process.

If you’re not familiar with fitness, I just realized that some of this may not make any sense to you. Apparently breaking up stiff muscles is like a “thing” you’re supposed to do. I kind of forget the scientific reason why but it helps with stretching and preventing injuries. Basically what they’ve always told you about stretching is true, which is YOU NEED TO EFFING STRETCH.

Stretch and stretch and stretch and never forget. But now you can use a Theragun too, and I like my Theragun.