pantry moths.

What are pantry moths and who the hell do they think they are? The internet says they can be Indian meal moths, grain moths, flour moths, raisin moths, seed moths, tobacco moths, or almond moths. At least according to the chart below I came across when I Googled “types of pantry moths.” All I know is that they’re stupid dicks and I hate them.

It’s rare for me to talk shit on an animal and even more rare for me to want them dead, but I’ve had enough of these idiots. Why am I writing about this? I don’t know. Because it grosses me out and I hate it and I need to get it out there into the world. Maybe you have pantry moths too. I don’t know your life.

Pantry moths come inside your house as eggs or larvae INSIDE YOUR FOOD. I’m sorry to say it but they’re in there. We have a feeling these moved in with some birdseed we brought home when we first got our bird Elvis.

That was last spring.

I’ve been putting up with the moths since then because they kind of come and go. I don’t always notice them and there aren’t that many. Pet birds can also die from a number of normal household items in their environment so I was scared to even try any traps or pesticides out of fear that my avian children would drop dead.

Their lungs are delicate!

The pantry moths would fly around sometimes at night while we were watching TV and it was gross and weird and annoying and they are also hard to catch and smash. Like they fly around in an erratic pattern that makes no sense and they’re not even that fast but somehow they manage to evade your determined moth slap 80% of the time. I don’t believe science can explain this.

We also would sometimes see small larvae dangling and those just got smashed and trashed. Not even a chance at life for them. They actually really upset me, because at first I thought they were inchworms and I LOVE inchworms. They make me think of the summer and how they used to delicately dangle over our above ground pool when I was a kid. We would gently put them on our fingers and watch them do their little inching crawl, WHICH IS ADORABLE YOU GUYS.

But these were pantry moth larvae, not adorable inchworms.

AND NOW THEY’RE DEAD SO BYE.

The final straw came a few weeks ago when I wore I sweater I had only worn once and I noticed a hole in the shoulder. I thought that was strange but as the night went by I noticed more holes in the sweater and they were all about the same size and I was like WTF I wore this ONE TIME.

And finally I had a realization: IT WAS THE MOTHS. THE MOTHS HAD MESSED WITH MY CHERISHED WARDROBE IN MY SACRED CLOSET-ROOM AND THEY NEEDED TO BE ELIMINATED IMMEDIATELY.

Google actually said that moths that eat clothes and pantry moths are different so like I guess we have both in residence. Ugh.

But I think the traps I got are supposed to work for both. They have PHEROMONES that attract the male moths only but they fly into them and get stuck on them because they’re sticky and then they die. The females eventually die because they don’t live very long but without any males THEY CAN’T MAKE ANY MORE PANTRY MOTHS. And that’s what we want.

The traps advertise their “double potency and ALLURE” and that was making me giggle because that seems intense but as soon as I opened the sealed packages to set them up the moths CAME FLYING! They usually don’t come out in the morning and there were like 3 that literally came out of the woodwork and flapped around as if something had excited them.

It was the ALLURING PHEROMONES.

I don’t know if it was the males looking for females or the females LOOKING TO FIGHT rival females but no one got stuck in the trap…YET.

The traps were placed on the kitchen counter, in the pantry, and in my beloved closet-room. By this afternoon there was one dead moth in the pantry trap and I look forward to finding more as the days go by.

Hopefully one day the pantry moths will be eradicated. I’ll keep you posted.

meditation in lincoln park.

For me, one of the (frankly…MANY) good things to come out of COVID was getting to meet some new JC gal pals via Jersey City Women’s Collaborative…via Zoom. It’s an awesome group of women and a perfect way to connect with other like-minded gals about the town. Everyone has some kind of cool business or expertise or talent or art or cause and some people have ALL OF THOSE THINGS BECAUSE THEY ARE SUPER HUMAN AND I SALUTE THEM. And this past weekend, it was time to actually meet some of them in person at a meditation in Lincoln Park!

You already know I love Lincoln Park, and now you know I love Jersey City Women’s Collaborative too, so needless to say I was pretty pumped.

But also a little nervous! In-person event etiquette is rusty for all and I didn’t realize COVID’s impact on my social skills at first but I do think that they have definitely suffered. I’m an extrovert in the sense that I’m loud and I’m out there and I need to suck the collective energy from other humans around me to survive, but I also kind of really don’t like people overall and I especially dislike strangers. I don’t love to make small talk. I also have a lot of difficulty hearing…LIKE A LOT…so I usually prefer the written word for interactions. Like if I message with you all the time on Instagram and then don’t really talk to you when I see you at a loud-ass bar or concert or workout class…that’s why. Like I literally CANNOT HEAR YOU and it is MENTALLY EXHAUSTING to try.

Sadly there is another element to my nervousness and it involves caring what other people think. I know…ew. So gross. And I don’t usually care what people think, I really do not. But in a situation where the whole GOAL is to try to make new friends/acquaintances and possibly locate the social jackpot that is a kindred-spirit, a small amount of care must go into considering the thoughts of others. Like really just a “read the room” approach is acceptable here but even that makes me nervous that I’ll do it wrong. Whew. Human-ing is just too much.

Enough about me because I want to tell you about this meditation in Lincoln Park! It was led by Jennifer Wai, Intuitive Consultant. She has an incredibly calming and thoughtful vibe and also has THE BEST HAIR. Not to take it THERE and make it about PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES, but…love her hair. When I arrived I looked across the park with her awesome hair in mind and when I spotted it I knew which group I should head toward!

This is a creepy photo I took because I didn’t want to be disruptive.

Okay but BEYOND THE HAIR she expertly led us through a really calming and relaxing meditation under a tree in Lincoln Park. We were invited to sit down or lay down and it was Sunday and I had my blanket and I was also very tired so I laid down on my back and looked up at the beautiful tree before closing my eyes.

IT FELT SO NICE.

She talked to us about using nature as a grounding force and how connecting with something alive can help us meditate. LOVE THAT. I personally avoided meditating for many years because I 1 – thought it was silly and 2 – thought I would suck at it. In the past few years I’ve been more open to it and have definitely seen real and valuable benefits, but the suggestion of using something alive/in nature to help in your meditation like COMPLETELY BLEW MY MIND. Which is what is ACTUALLY SILLY because I love nature and I’m always hanging out there anyway so I don’t know why I didn’t think of that.

Oops. Sry.

Jennifer played some music and guided us through the meditation and I will say again that it just felt so relaxing and nice. The park is beautiful right now, and the weather wasn’t perfect but it was good enough. It was SATISFACTORY. We all just relaxed and listened to her voice and connected with nature and when she told us it was done and to open our eyes I felt very warm and fuzzy and float-y.

Oooooo ya.

I SHOULD DO IT EVERY SUNDAY.

But the fun wasn’t over because we got up and headed across the park to do another exercise! I couldn’t wait to see what it was and we found out soon enough when we gathered in a circle in a grove of big ass trees.

We partnered up, and usually partner things make me feel weird. Like in dance classes if there is partner work I will go hide in the bathroom until the class is done learning that part because I don’t want to do it. But for this exercise I was able to partner with a gal I have met via Instagram and I felt like I already knew her and she wasn’t a scary stranger and that was great!

It’s worth pointing out that no one there was actually a scary stranger and I’m just a weirdo. This one’s on me.

After we found our partner, Jennifer passed out some neat little blindfolds and told us that we would be taking turns being blindfolded and led around by our partner to a particular tree. Our partner would also try to disorient us by spinning us around. We would then be expected to touch, smell, hear, etc the tree. Also, and this is my favorite part, we were instructed to “Ask the tree for information.” AND I FELT LIKE I HAD BEEN WAITING MY WHOLE LIFE TO BE GIVEN PERMISSION TO ASK A TREE FOR INFORMATION AND I COULD NOT CONTAIN MY EXCITEMENT. After getting to know the tree we would be led back to our starting spot, take off the blindfold, and try to ID which tree around us we had just had a moment with.

Whoa.

I didn’t think we’d be able to do it! I went first as the Blindfolded, and my new pal guided me around. It was super weird to not be able to see and totally freaked me out…so that was tough. But I met my tree soon enough and I hugged it and explored its surface with my hands and smelled it and spoke to it and ASKED IT FOR INFORMATION. Then we did the whole thing again with my partner blindfolded and me guiding her.

And guess what? WE ALL FOUND OUR TREES. IT WAS NUTS. MY MIND WAS BLOWN.

My tree friend is in the middle! 💕

What a cool exercise! I kind of want to go back and make my friends or my mom or my boyfriend do it with me. She DID let us keep the blindfolds…

It was an outstanding and memorable event and a perfect way to spend a Sunday, so thank you very much Jennifer Wai and Jersey City Women’s Collaborative. I’m looking forward to the next event, a summer clothing swap at Canco Park 6/12 at 1pm. Maybe I’ll see ya there!

pushing up the daisies 2021.

This weekend I went to Pushing Up the Daisies 2021 and it was everything I hoped for and more. I was seriously very excited about it which could have set me up for extreme disappointment but luckily it was great and no one was disappointed.

LOVIN IT.

Pushing Up the Daisies 2021 was held at the Historic Jersey City and Harsimus Cemetery. The event is always held there and it needs to always be held there or else it’s not Pushing Up the Daisies. Maybe it seems like an “odd venue” but I think it’s the best venue of all time. If I was dead and buried there I would be glad that living people paid to be there and came to party with me. It’s just the highest level of respect, wanting to party with someone. And showing up for that party. Even if they’re dead.

I wish the dogs were still there.

Last week I spent a lot of time thinking about and getting pumped for this event. I planned my outfit, my snacks, the ways I was going to entertain myself. It was my music festival for the summer, I guess. Since I don’t recognize or have any interest in any bands in the Gov Ball lineup anymore. I was mostly just excited about being outside and listening to live music. The outside world and bands playing music both make me really happy.

So I was there all day mostly alone. I laid on my beach blanket and wore a bathing suit because everywhere is the beach and I don’t care what anyone says about that unless they agree. It was a really, really nice day. The sun was so bright and warm. An impossibly perfect spring day.

IMPOSSIBLY. PERFECT.

Like so perfect that the thought of the possibility of more perfection in the future as the summer approaches makes it EVEN MORE PERFECT.

It was great. And the bands were great! GREAT GREAT GREAT.

First up was Sofia Oro. I thought she was super talented but what do I know, really? Either way I was entertained and she did awesome covers of Wicked Game by Chris Issak and Criminal by Fiona Apple. Also she was only 17!

Wow. What a way to start the day and it was only 1:30pm.

Sofia!👏🏻

Next up was Rockstar Racecar from Bloomfield, NJ. They were introduced as from Montclair but then they were like “Actually Bloomfield but no one cares about Bloomfield so we say ‘Montclair.'” I would like to submit that I DO care about Bloomfield and acknowledge that it is a different, separate place from Montclair. Thx.

I enjoyed them! The one guy had blue hair which is always fun. In my notes I wrote that they had a song about Coney Island and how much they like it and I personally hate Coney Island LIKE A LOT but I did like the song.

Then I got super into my snacks and taking pictures of myself and I stopped paying attention and taking notes for a while. The following bands performed during that time: Steel Press, Viktor.Digital, Pynkie 5, and Morningside Lane. Although I wasn’t FULLY paying attention at this point I do know that it was all enjoyable music and I would surely return to listen again.

Thinking a little bit harder about it I do fully remember Pynkie 5 because the gal was wearing THE CUTEST OUTFIT and if anyone ever tries to tell you that outfits don’t matter they are IDIOTS.

Then the clock struck 5 and it was time to transition from the day session into the night session.

My boyf joined for the evening sesh and I was 💕👏🏻🤗

Puppy Pile started off the evening sesh, and I kind of remember what they were like but mostly I just got stuck on thinking about their name, Puppy Pile, and thinking about a pile of actual puppies. And this made me glad. So thank you, Puppy Pile.

Hudson City Rats were up next and they’re always fun. I enjoy their instruments and their vibe and their beards. Thank you for your service.

The CROWN JEWEL, if you will, of Pushing Up the Daisies 2021 was Jersey City’s own Desir Decir. Yay! Love them! LOVE THEM LOTS. Glad to see them back in the world! I’m glad to see everyone back in the world post COVID and they are part of and encompass everyone so good to see ya Desir Decir.

Going into the day I thought the last band was going to be The Jack Moves, who are also very fun. But then it wasn’t them and I was confused. Did I invent that The Jack Moves would be there in my mind? It wouldn’t have been the first time I invented something in my mind that simply wasn’t true. But I returned to @rockitdocket on Instagram to confirm and didn’t see them there but clicked over to @jcmusicscene and there they were tagged in a post on April 19 of this year promoting Pushing Up the Daisies. So I’m not crazy…well I am but at least not about THIS particular thing. Whew. Guess they just couldn’t make it. We’re all human, after all.

Anyway the last band ended up being Lapeche and I’m sorry but I was very tired and already at home by that point. It was a long day! I’m sure they were great though. Shout out to Lapeche, I’ll catch you at the next one.

BECAUSE COVID IS ALMOST OVER SO THERE WILL BE MORE, A TON OF “NEXT ONES” AND I CANNOT WAIT.

Pushing Up the Daisies 2021 was a great time and I think everyone there would agree. If they don’t we don’t need them.

I really didn’t take many pics of the show and only have silly ones of myself, like this. Sorry.

The cemetery looked great mostly because helpful local folks have been volunteering for “Wake and Rake” events on Saturday mornings for the past few weeks! They awoke and were raking and also doing other types of groundskeeping to really make it super nice for all of us.

Thanks everyone, you did a fantastic job with a valuable public service and I salute you.

YOU, yes YOU, can keep an eye out for future Wake and Rakes here. If they set more up I think I’m going to do it some Saturday soon so maybe I’ll see you there! Usually there are goats that trim the grass and maintain the grounds and I’m not sure what’s up with them so I guess people are the goats for now.

Thank you everyone for a lovely, sunny, snack filled day in the cemetery I can’t wait to do it again soon.

cat aesthetics at deep space gallery.

Even though it opened a couple of weeks ago and I NEGLECTED to write about it then, it’s still going on for a few days so let’s talk about Cat Aesthetics at Deep Space Gallery.

It’s great! It’s always great at Deep Space. And I always say I don’t write about stuff UNLESS it’s great because I don’t have time to be a dick. I only have time to be a dick to “the man” and I have to save my energy.

So, Cat Aesthetics! As I’m sure you imagined, it involves cats!

ALL OF THE ART IS CATS. Cats in many different forms by many different artists. I truly enjoyed this type of “theme” show. Like the shows always have a theme or a central IDEA of course, but this was like, “We’re doing a cat thing everyone please make cat stuff we will only accept cat art thx.”

I enlisted a few friends to come with me to the opening and we were late and I still feel bad about it (sorry). It was actually the first time I had friends to our apartment for like a “pre-game” (a tame adult one) and then we walked over there and I felt proud ours’ was the apartment close to a thing that everyone came to before the thing. It hasn’t been like that since I lived downtown and I missed it.

ANYWAY. IF YOU GO DON’T BE LATE IT IS RUDE.

The show was extra fun because it felt like the whole opening night vibe of the before COVID times is slowly returning. Social distancing and masks are still required, but it seems like the days of it being an actual party will be back soon, fingers crossed.

Here is the art!

I loved this cat hanging on a line outside the gallery, you could see it from the roof. Although I’m still not 100% clear on the meaning, to me one of the most interesting things to see around in an urban environment remains the pairs sneakers that hang from power lines. Like…WHO PUT THEM THERE AND WHY?! I don’t know, but I likes that this particular cat art visited that concept.

Because I came of age watching Chapelle’s Show, “Fuck Yo Couch” is still one of the funniest expressions of all time and this piece by Sarah Grace is no exception.

As you may know, anything anthropomorphic IS MY FAVORITE THING EVER so these fancy cats by Deming King Harriman really please me.

If you live in Jersey City and you aren’t aware of Hennessy the Liquor Store cat YOU HAVE SOME SELF REFLECTIVE WORK TO DO. Hennessy is a cute little tortoiseshell gal that prowls the aisles of a store simply called “Liquors” at 32 Coles St in Downtown. Go there, come back, tell me what you learned.

Okay, welcome back. Now that you’re familiar with the star of this work of art by Carolyn Jao, you’ll be glad to know that all of these sold out on like the first night. Maybe not glad, because maybe you wanted one (I did), but proud of our girl Hennessy nonetheless. A LADY AND A LEGEND.

I really enjoyed these doodle-looking works by Kyle Confehr. Basically if I see something that looks simple but also like it was drawn very smoothly by a steady hand, I AM SUPER IMPRESSED. My hand could never draw this and it looks like it’s only sharpie on paper. I use the term “only” loosely. I would not be able to make this and you probably wouldn’t be able to either. Deal with it. And there’s a piece of pizza AND yarn AND A SKULL. Like it’s everything I want and more. Darn.

My French friend in attendance said that “Que fait ce chat?” means “What is that cat doing?” and I took his word for it and did not Google to confirm. The context clues seem to point to the fact that he was right but who knows. Cat doing something others would question in French by Joe Waks, top cat peeking is by Erika Lee Sears.

This sink cat is by Ru8icon1 and I love his work so yes I do love this sink cat as well thanks for asking.

These are by Ekaterina Popova and very pretty, I like the colors. ALWAYS WITH THE COLORS, I AM.

This guy makes me giggle BECAUSE HE HAS WALRUS TEETH CAN YOU THINK OF ANYTHING BETTER I THINK NOT.

Mustart made this kitty with a spider on his nose and it was the face of the whole show. Well deserved because spiders are badass.

I didn’t notice at first but this little monster statue by Elliot Lobell has a cat on his monster head AND THAT IS ADORABLE. I really didn’t notice though…like someone pointed it out to me days later. I guess I’m not all-knowing and all-seeing as I sometimes think.

(I am).

Some simple and beautiful kitty cats with kitty cat and human pals by Rob Kaniuk.

CAT KING?! Better than rat king. I like rats but don’t click that unless you wanna barf.

Keith Garcia consistently makes work that I really, really like, and if one day I am in a place to purchase some, I feel like it will all go together nicely even if it’s from different sets. Like the MAC machine is a constant presence and that speaks to me.

Garfield, famous cat, enough said. By ACRO.

As I said, I blew it by not posting about this when they first opened but it’s still going on until May 16 so go check it out! Deep Space Gallery is located at 77 Cornelison Ave in Jersey City, NJ. There’s way more stuff that I didn’t even show you here SO GO SEE.

the frenzy.

Hey hi hello this is the frenzy speaking. This is the voice of the frenzy.

What is the frenzy? I don’t really know but it’s how I explain my anxiety sometimes so other people can understand it better and to convey to them that I’m not just “worried” and “everyone worries” and I should “just calm down.” I tried to talk to my boyfriend about it today and he was like “Talk to your mom about it” but Barbara the golden comet chicken died and my dad slipped on ice and hurt his shoulder and my sister is having AN ACTUAL HUMAN BABY so I think my mom is busy right now so I’ll write about it here and talk to you about it. And maybe you’ve felt this too. I hope you have, so you can relate. But I also hope you haven’t, because it’s terrible.

Like there is a frenzy going on inside of my mind and it feels like I have to do everything and can do everything but at the same time I am paralyzed with fear and can’t do anything. I sit here for hours and feel like I’m “doing things” and make a list in my head of all the things I need to do and it freaks me out and makes me more frenzied that I’m not doing them but I just can’t do them.

I just can’t.

My mind will not stop with the frenzy and there is no calming the storm and I have to ride it out. Taking a lot of deep breaths is supposed to help and I guess it does but I’m taking them now as I write this and the frenzy continues, electrifying the tips of my fingers as they sail across my keyboard. As I focus on them I relish the speed at which they move. “I AM DOING THIIIIINGS! THINGS ARE GETTING DONEEEE! COUNT THE WORDS, BABY.”

Unfortunately writing this blog post is not “getting things done” and is completely arbitrary. I try to turn my attention to actual tasks and it bounces back into the frenzy, ricocheting off the corners of my brain again and again, growing more frenzied with each bounce as if my attention and focus will never come to settle anywhere and continue bouncing around forever and ever until I eventually go insane.

I get inspired to google “what does mania feel like?” but I don’t think the definition is this feeling. I’m no doctor but I’ve never been diagnosed as bipolar and the frenzy has been churning my whole life long so I don’t think that’s what this is. Mania seems more productive. I feel like I’m simultaneously doing everything and getting nothing done and it cancels each other out and I sit here neutrally impotent and completely freaked out.

Did I maybe drink too much coffee?

I DON’T KNOW, DID YOU?!

There was a time when I could harness the frenzy and use it as fuel to power anything I set my mind to. My workouts were stronger, my writing was better (at least it seemed better to me), I felt funnier and more fun, all good things. Then the frenzy got tricky and changed in some way and I could no longer make it work for me. And I hate that. It’s super inconvenient.

So for now I will cope with the frenzy and take deep breaths and think about everything and do almost nothing until the frenzy fades away. I’ll see you there.

I wrote this a couple of months ago and forgot about it but I found it today so there ya go. The frenzy continues to churn but not at the same hurricane level that it was churning that day. Whew.

vocal fry, do or die.

Vocal fry and up-talk are a part of our lives. A big part, for some. There’s likely some statistic about how common or uncommon it is and when and how it became common and what your grandma and your parents and your boss and your AP English teacher think about it. I know for sure that there is information out there about how listeners FULLY HATED ON some gals from NPR whose vocals inched too close to fry and whose speaking went up in a way they did not approve of. Because I read it and it pissed me off. Like a lot.

As a little kid I wanted to be a reporter when I grew up. I guess like a “journalist” but I was mostly inspired by April O’Neill, of being-in-the-periphery-of-the-teenage-mutant-ninja-turtles fame. I looked up to her because I was obsessed with the ninja turtles and wanted to date Michelangelo (because he ate pizza and had a skateboard…ughhhh so hot), but also because she was a smart and resourceful gal on the beat and I wanted to BE THAT.

April’s yellow jumpsuit and boots were impeccably fashionable but also functional. She was curious and intelligent and also knew how to have fun, and her camera person followed her dutifully and did every thing she said.

SHE WAS LIVING THE DREAM. Well, A dream. MY dream, to be exact.

As a teenager I attended “shoots” at the MTV Beach House in Seaside Heights one summer and I saw another side of television and another type of job I could aspire to – reality TV and live hosting. And I was like, “This is cool AF let’s do it.”

MTV Beach House, 2002

So then I did. The end.

Just kidding because at 18 years old I started my college career at Rutgers New Brunswick and I was pumped up to be a journalism major. I really still had my big April O’Neil dreams in mind.

Me digging in some sand by the MTV Beach House rocking a (henna!) tramp stamp...2002.

Rutgers provided a liberal arts education so we didn’t get INTO THE THICK OF IT until senior year, when we split up into groups to ostensibly “make television.” We had a great time running around on the banks of the ‘ol Raritan and made a fun video and I was on camera a bit. But it was during this project that I realized I have an “undesirable for news” voice and also an accent.

There were a few other girls/women in my class working with the same set of New Jersey millennial vocal cords and we were told by our well-meaning professor that we would have to “work with a voice coach and/or an ear nose and throat doctor” to achieve the much desired “mid-atlantic” accent and eradicate our nasally tone.

Wow. That seemed like a lot of work. AND I WASN’T GONNA DO IT. NO FREAKIN WAY. I also realized that if I was going to be on camera I would have to think about what I looked like and how much I weighed for the rest of my life and I was fully not on board. I was already sick of the pressure to look “good” in my cheerleading uniform, a pressure I never felt until those last years of college but it was super annoying and I wanted it to go away.

The cheerleading world is, of course, a loyal and historical stronghold of up-talk, so that didn’t really help me either.

So I retreated behind the scenes. And I loved it! It was great. Working in reality TV as a producer was an interesting, fulfilling, and exciting job and I’m glad I did it. I could gain as much weight as I wanted…AND I DID. I’ve eaten burritos in every state and they were all incredible. We can talk about all that another time though.

What I really wanted to say here is that I think it’s ridiculous that you’re expected to change your voice to sound more “credible.” Like, it’s your voice. You’re conveying the same information. It’s fine. I could understand if you weren’t saying things clearly or people couldn’t understand you, but that’s not what this is about.

This is about the fact that there is a certain way that you NEED to be to deliver the news and you NEED to conform or give up. It’s the idea that one sound/tone of voice or type of accent sets another person higher than another; that they’re smarter, more professional and credible…and also more WORTHY. And I really don’t think it’s cool. Perhaps those gals from NPR broke the mold because they ended up on NPR! I mean people got rude about it, but they still got in the door. And that says a lot.

Personally I love accents. LOVE THEM. I love to hear different regional dialects and the different words they have for things and really break down every nuance of vowel, consonant, and sentence structure (or lack thereof). It’s great! I’ve recently started watching Mare of Easttown on HBO and Kate Winslet has MASTERED the Philadelphia/Delaware County accent and it is a BEAUTIFUL THING. It makes the story and her character FULLER and RICHER and is WAY better than if she was just doing a vague “American” accent. I’m really so impressed.

Different types of speech make the world interesting and relatable and amusing and I expect they would do the same for the news. But I did come across a study that was like, “People hate vocal fry,” so maybe I’m wrong.

But maybe I’m NOT and EVERYONE needs to change their perception and stop with this useless value judgement. The tone or sound or accent associated with a person’s voice doesn’t mean anything about how “intelligent” or “trustworthy” or “credible” they are. This is my place to say the things I’m thinking about so there I said it.

And I’m not changing my voice. I will NEVER change my voice. And you shouldn’t either. As long as you have a good vocabulary and you talk about things that are interesting and I can understand you…NO CHANGES NECESSARY. EVEN IF YOU’RE ON NPR. thx.

notable animal residents of jersey city – lincoln park turtles.

It’s been a while since I’ve written about anything, and it’s been a longer while since I wrote about notable animal residents of Jersey City. So I would like to bring to your attention the Lincoln Park turtles.

YOU GUYS. THESE GOSH DARN TURTLES. HOW COULD YOU NOT LOVE THEM?!

I don’t know what kind they are. Don’t ask me what kind they are. Maybe YOU can tell ME what kind they are?

My biggest thing with them is that they live in the middle of Lincoln Park. Lincoln Park is an urban park! And it’s a lot of fields of sport and also regular fields and that doesn’t say “turtle,” to me. BUT they do have a seemingly man made (but I don’t know its life) lake/pond/small body of water and THAT is where the turtles of Lincoln Park reside.

Are they always there? Even when it’s cold? The truth is, I don’t know, you guys. I’ve recently been googling “torpor” and what that means for some types of animal pals and I have a feeling turtles are involved in a torpor-like situation once the temperatures drop. I mean, AT THE VERY LEAST, torpor ADJACENT.

JK I think it’s just straight up regular torpor. And if they’re doing what that post says they have been in the lake/pond/small body of water THIS ENTIRE TIME. THEY WINTER AT THE BOTTOM OF THE WATER WHERE THE WATER DOESN’T FREEZE AND THEY GET OXYGEN FROM THE WATER HOLY SHIT.

So that’s where they must go! NOWHERE. So freaking cool!

Either way they’re back now and they are SUNNING THEIR COLD-BLOODED BUNS right there on the cement shores of the Lincoln Park Lake.

AND THEY ARE LOVING IT.

They climb up out of the water to sunbathe AND I GOT A VID OF THE CLIMB TODAY AND IT WAS SO ADORABLE.

It did have this kind of Phoebe Cates in Fast Times at Ridgemont High vibe but I’m not mad about it.

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Phoebe Cates in Fast Times at Ridgemont High is a TREASURE. Not like in Drop Dead Fred where she is a WIMP who SUCKS for most of the film.

But back to the turtles of Lincoln Park. I’m so happy to see them. I look forward to learning their spring and summer habits as I go to the park at different times of day and communing with them when they’re feeling brave and don’t jump off the cement and back into the water when humans approach. I know children like to commune with the turtles too but the turtles are braver when children aren’t around so do with that what you will.

Stay away from my turtles, kids. Is what I’m saying.

Okay, okay I’m sorry, it’s fine. The turtles of Lincoln Park are notable animal residents of Jersey City and we all deserve to be among them. Go check them out! BUT DO NOT SCARE THEM I WILL BE SO PISSED.

i got covid.

If it seems like I’ve been quiet for the last week or so, it’s because I got covid. Yes, I almost made it a full year and even had an appointment set up for my first dose of the vaccine! But my plans were destroyed because I got covid.

Covid: destroyer of plans forever and ever and the pain will never end.

I’m pretty sure I got covid at the Barge Inn in Jersey City. I’m actually 99.9% sure that I got covid at the Barge Inn in Jersey City. It’s fair to say it’s my fault for going there and removing my mask to drink inside, but it’s also fair to say there were no covid restrictions in place.

Just a friendly neighborhood warning: if you don’t want covid, don’t go to the Barge Inn. Or go after you get vaccinated. Or wear a hazmat suit. Either way, a ton of people told me it was a covid fest over there and I still went. So I got covid.

There’s a certain kind of shame you feel when you get covid, and also a feeling that you lost some kind of game. Like how could you be SO IRRESPONSIBLE as to expose yourself?! What is wrong with you?! There’s a lot of guilt, which kind of pisses me off because it’s socially constructed. A judgement comes down: you failed at protecting your own health, and you are trash.

Take your trash life and hide inside and don’t show your face until you won’t infect the rest of us.

About 2 weeks ago I started to feel a little weird. I went for a run in the morning and I felt extra sweaty and dizzy. It didn’t seem right. I went about my regular business and started work. A few hours into the day, my head was POUNDING and I couldn’t even look at my computer screen. I actually couldn’t even look at my phone screen either, which has never happened.

It seemed like something serious was afoot.

I took the rest of the day off work and tried to sleep it all away, but it didn’t go away. Oh no, it did not. The next day I had the pounding headache again and I also had a fever. The fever made me nervous because I haven’t had a fever for over a decade. I always get the flu shot so I haven’t had the flu in a long time, and I guess I just haven’t had a fever for any other reason. I STAY FEVER FREE.

Except for 2 weeks ago, because I had a fever. I went to get a covid test and I felt awful and I was PISSED because I had JUST MADE my vaccine appointment and I felt pretty sure I got covid and was going to have to cancel it.

I did have to cancel it.

I was pissed.

Once I had the positive test result I had to accept my fate and start the process of hydration, sleeping, and taking the various medicines that this type of illness demands. It was exhausting. Just taking care of myself was a lot of work.

Ugh.

I ended up having a fever for about 3 days and I know this because I obsessively took my temperature until it was normal again. It got up to 100.3 and that was hot enough for me.

I slept and slept and slept, and got very, very sweaty. The sweatiness I really wasn’t expecting, but it was better than having to throw up.

The one good thing about covid is that it does not involve barfing. No barfing at all! At least not for me…but “vomiting” isn’t really on the list of symptoms so I don’t think barfing is involved for anyone sick with covid. Which is good because barfing is completely unbearable and I simply won’t stand for it.

I took two days off work, then it was the weekend and I slept my life away, then I also had to take off Monday. I didn’t have to use any of my vacay days though, BECAUSE THE MAN HAS GRANTED US SPECIAL PAID DAYS OFF FOR COVID. Make sure you look into it! I wasn’t aware and the HR gal at my work came through and let me know, a true heroine of the times.

Once I started to feel better, I promptly lost my taste. I couldn’t taste or smell anything for about a week. It was annoying but helped me not to binge eat since a big part of my binge eating is taste-based. So I didn’t even feel like eating which I NEVER FEEL and it was SO WEIRD and I COULDN’T EVEN STAND IT.

Now that I’ve spent my time convalescing and I’m no longer contagious I have returned to the outdoors and also the gym. The outdoors felt overwhelming at first but I comfortably settled in to enjoy sunshine and flowers and other natural charms we are offered this time of year.

The gym is another story. IT IS SO INCREDIBLY HARD TO WORK OUT. I usually love working out because I’m good at it or at least I FEEL good at it and I love to feel strong and like I can kick anyone’s ass that gives me any kind of problem. Right now I feel so incredibly weak. I can’t lift as much, and I get out of breath easily.

AND I’M PISSED.

It’s a real struggle to make it through the day when I don’t feel like myself. A REAL, TERRIBLE STRUGGLE.

As far as not feeling like myself, covid can also make you depressed or have like, “blues” for a while after. I’m not making this up. Although I will take any and every opportunity to feel depressed and diagnose myself with some kind of mental health crisis, this is science, I swear. So I’ve been dealing with that too, just feeling kind of slow and foggy and not interested in anything.

The other day I told my boyfriend I felt sad because I haven’t been getting excited about anything and that’s not like me, and he said “YOU DON’T HAVE TO GET EXCITED ABOUT EVERYTHING,” and I was like…”I DO.” Like I don’t feel like myself if I’m not excited. If I’m not excited, something is wrong.

And I’m dealing with that.

So, I got covid. It sucked and I’m still depressed and I don’t fully have my taste back. I need to make a vaccine appointment and currently can’t find one so if you have any leads please let me know.

jump rope is hard.

I’m a reasonably fit adult that enjoys working out but I can’t jump rope because jump rope is hard. It is completely impossible for me to do. Which is really frustrating for me! Because it’s good exercise and it definitely seems fun for those that have it figured out.

But jump rope is hard and I can’t do it.

As a kid I loved watching Sesame Street, like most kids. But the main reason I loved Sesame Street was because it had the little live video interludes where it showed kids in cities. City kids! I had a thing for city kids. Even at a young age I was bored as hell in my rural town and I loved everything city related. So if I saw kids in a place with concrete and a lot of buildings and not as many trees as the places I saw every day, I was like OMG CITY KIDS.

One of the things the “city kids” (based on my definition as a 5 year old), did in these interludes was jump rope. And they were so good at it! And they did it as a whole group! With some kids manning the rope and some kids jumping in and my mind was blown. I couldn’t wait to go to real school and have recess and learn to jump rope.

I knew I was gonna kill it.

Obviously I was wrong because I can’t jump rope at all to this day. Because jump rope is hard.

On the playground at recess and during gym class we were given these weird plastic jump ropes that made a loud ass sound when they hit the ground and that made me really nervous. I also realized that jumping up and then throwing a rope under myself at foot level and then jumping up again was a recipe for tripping myself and a guaranteed way to face plant.

I did not want to face plant. That’s the moneymaker, baby.

So I kind of gave up on jump rope after that. I watched others and sometimes flopped around with the rope, especially if it was gym class and they forced me to for a grade. But I no longer felt the excitement I felt while watching the city kids on Sesame Street. The love was gone.

A little later in childhood they came out with SkipIt, which was different than a jump rope but utilized the same skills. Needless to say I was not able to master the SkipIt or even get any reps around. It counted the reps I think? Bossy little thing.

We didn’t have it at our house because I thought it was trash but sometimes I would see a dormant SkipIt in the grass or the garage at a friend’s house and silently project into the universe, “My friend BETTER NOT make me use that SkipIt today because I will be PISSED.”

I think they got the message. My friends knew I was no athlete and I just wanted to play dress up and create elaborate historical narratives. I mean come on.

Later in high school when I WAS an actual athlete, I still could not jump rope. During this time time I was practicing cheerleading 6 days a week and had a competition or game on the 7th day. It was a lot. My body was very strong and in constant motion. I also didn’t drink so my fuel was relatively pure if you overlook my constant intake of bagels, spaghetti-o’s, and Oreos.

I still could not jump rope. And if they made us at cheerleading practice as part of conditioning I was PISSED.

Stuff I can’t do really pisses me off.

Jump rope didn’t really cross my mind again until a couple of years ago when it came up at the gym one day during a cardio song. They were like “Grab your jump ropes! Yay!” And I was like, “Not yay but okay.”

I struggled through this part of the class while mostly everyone else casually and expertly and happily jumped rope. This was fun and nostalgic for them! They remembered the happy times on the playground!

Those times did not come to my mind. I just struggled and got more pissed and gave up and just jumped up and down while holding the rope and hoped no one would notice.

The jump rope came up again at the gym this morning and I think I handled it a little better. I just did my own personal jump rope move that involves hopping over one foot at a time and tried to focus on not tripping and falling on my face and dying.

Because that DOES happen.

It’s possible I could learn how to do it, I guess. I do think people can learn new things as they get older. I like to think there’s not a cap on that. Even physical things! But within reason, like I’m not going to be able to teach my peers to do backflips because that time has passed. But jump rope seems like a reasonable and possible thing to learn if I tried hard enough, had a good teacher, and put in the reps/took the time to do it.

Maybe I’ll try.

Maybe.

At some point in the history of time I knew a guy that told me he went to a pier to jump rope on his breaks from working at a bar in Manhattan. This really charmed me for some reason. I guess I really admired his skill since I don’t have that skill.

Of course I never SAW him jump rope, I just assumed he had to be good at it if he was enjoying it on a pier in his free time.

As with everything, I created a story of him in my mind and defined him solely by my perception of him and I need to stop doing that and I’m sorry. But I pictured a pier in the Hudson River in front of the Manhattan skyline and the sun was setting and it was summer, and there he was, a city kid grinning and jumping rope in the golden light.

PS I’m unclear on the grammar/verb/sentence structure of this activity and was unsure if it was “jump rope” or “jumping rope” or whatever and I’m sorry.

first day of spring 2021.

YOU GUYS, it’s the first day of spring 2021. This feels like a really big day. A really important day. I’m not sure why but I’d like to explore it here.

Last year, the year 2020, we did not have a spring. We were trapped inside for WEEKS. We could go for walks but we couldn’t go outside for too long and we couldn’t GO ANYWHERE. Last spring was really, really hard. Everyone really, really hated it. Okay, you get it.

I remember going to Target one day last spring, it was the only place I felt I could go that was fun but also a grocery store. Because we weren’t supposed to go to fun places. We weren’t welcome there.

JK because fun places WERE NOT EVEN OPEN. THERE WAS NOWHERE TO GO. TARGET WAS ALL THAT I HAD.

So anyway I went there and the last time I had been there the trees had been bare but then this particular time they had flowers and I realized in this moment that all of my fav spring trees around the town were currently flowering AND I WAS MISSING IT.

This is from April 2020. Knife in my heart.

And then I cried. Just cried right there in front of Target, waiting in line for my turn to go inside wearing a mask and feeling weird and sad about everything.

Flowering trees are important to me.

But more than that, spring is important to me and I think spring 2021 is going to make up for last spring and also be its own spring and we’re going to have a great time.

We’ve already figured out some safe ways to do fun shit and in some ways the fun shit is more fun than before. for example, I LOVE SITTING OUTSIDE. I want to sit outside and eat every day forever and ever, amen. It brings me so much joy and I’m glad it kind of became a year-round thing even here in the northeast.

Let’s keep it! CAN WE PLZ KEEP IT.

It’s also now normal to meet up in parks in a big group as a social event. Maybe that was normal for some people in the before times but for me personally it wasn’t something I saw happen often. I guess for folks without kids it was more like “let’s do drunk brunch at a restaurant establishment.” But now ALL people are into drunk brunch BYOB picnic in the park type events and I am HERE FOR IT, as they say.

We have so many options for fun and safe things to do this spring and our cups runneth over and again it brings a tear to my eye. I can’t wait to get out there and greedily drink in everything this spring has to offer.

It’s going to be double spring so bring your allergy medicine and rain boots and baby chickens and I’ll see you there.

*I wrote this on Saturday 3/20. I know THAT was the first day of spring and not today. Thx.